This Is the Practice

Some days, it feels like I’m doing everything right. I’m teaching, I’m walking, I’m showing up in practice and in presence. I’m writing, creating, guiding, and holding space.

And still there’s a whisper: “It’s not enough.”

That whisper got a little louder the other day when my husband, half-jokingly, referred to me as a Suzy Homemaker. He didn’t mean any harm. I know that. He’s a good man, a good father. But that phrase hit a nerve.

Because here’s the thing: I am home a lot. I do carry the mental load of meals and laundry and grocery lists and summer camps and swim bags and school fees. I am the one folding laundry between Zoom calls and phone calls, and making dinner while mentally planning next month’s yoga theme.

And it’s not that I don’t love being at home. I do. I’ve made a whole life’s work of AUM@home — ancient practices for modern living — as both a refuge and a compass. A way to support my own journey toward balance, healing, wholehearted loving, and a more easeful way of living.

But when the hours of work don’t show up as dollars in a bank account, when the membership numbers are smaller than I hoped, when my creative energy is drained from just holding it all, That’s when the self-doubt creeps in.

Should I just get a “real” job? Should I stop chasing this dream? Am I failing?

That’s where I notice how much practice comes in to play. And how important it is to keep practicing.

This month, I’ve been sitting with metta — loving-kindness. And one of the phrases that surfaced for me during this time is ‘Things are as they are. May I meet this moment with equanimity.’ It’s from Sharon Salzberg’s book Lovingkindness, and it’s also woven through the teachings of the Yoga Sutras, this idea that equanimity (upeksha) is the ground from which love can flourish.

It’s the steadiness that helps us stay rooted, even when others don’t understand our choices or when their actions don’t align with our values. It’s the balance that reminds us we can care deeply without needing to control the outcome. It’s the spaciousness that softens judgment, holds difference with grace, and lets us live with more compassion — for others and for ourselves.

So maybe I am a Suzy Homemaker. Maybe I’m also a yoga teacher, writer, business owner, mentor, and woman navigating her own messy middle. Maybe I’m doing better than I think. And maybe, just maybe, the most radical act of loving-kindness today is simply allowing all of it to be true, and continuing on anyway.

And this? All of this IS the practice.

Not just the asana or the meditation, but the willingness to stay soft when it would be easier to shut down or lash out. To hold the dishes and dreams in both hands. To hold the heart open, even when it’s tired. To keep going, steadily forward, with love and kindness.

And to trust the process.

With love,
Michelle